Anyways, Welcome to SHIELD
by COMEDYGOLD
Summary: In which Sam gives the newest batch of S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits a tour of the new complex and makes it his mission to inform them of what they REALLY need to avoid doing while they have a job there. AU, Post CACW, contains SLASH, OCs and implied Stucky, Brutasha and Shield Husbands. And also very mild language.


**My apologies in advance for any spelling and grammatical errors.**

 **OC characters: Agents Scott Howell, Petra Wayne, Greg Ramos, Kit Thompson, Renee Grey, Mark Watson**

* * *

No matter how much information he had received from Sharon, it really didn't come anywhere as close to the briefing Agent Wilson had given him and the five other new S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits during their tour. Or is it Agent Falcon? Falcon? Mr. Wilson? He'll find out eventually.

Not taking anything away from Agent Carter of course, if this new S.H.I.E.L.D. is anything like the old one then Agent Howell can be confident that he isn't diving head first into what might as well be a tub of acid by transferring.

Based on Carter's briefing and Mr. Falcon's tour of the newly reformed S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, it seems like Agent 13 got her shit accurate from all the way over at the CIA. After the HYDRA infiltration and the fall of Thanos, S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to rebuild itself back from the ground up, reformed the Avengers Initiative and dismiss the Sokovia Accords due to its numerous flaws. Plus, she's friends with captain America. They kissed like once; she always has to mention it as if it isn't creepy at all. Among other things about the Avengers that seemed too crazy to believe even if they do fight aliens like it's nobody's business. These are the people protecting their precious planet after all. So until now, Agent Scott Howell had to take her words above anyone else's.

Now here he is along with five other agents who also transferred straight from the CIA, ready to dabble in the agency that had the biggest track record with dealing with mutant/extra-terrestrial nonsense.

The pay almost seems worth it.

It's so close.

They're currently getting a tour around the complex from The Falcon himself, a task that Howell believes is beneath the winged hero but he really isn't complaining.

He's a huge fan.

As the tour ends though, Wilson directs the six to a small briefing room and by the look on the man's face it isn't part of the tour but something he's had a go at doing before.

"Alright," he starts, "the tour and everything is just about over but I gotta fill you in on specific safely measure that they should probably just etch on the walls really."

He pauses to make sure that the six we listening which they were, with rapt attention he might add. The poor souls probably thought they were going to get to have a go at Mjolnir or something.

"No matter your station it's important that you remember to keep the Cap as happy as possible."

What?

"You cannot under any circumstances afford to upset this man."

For the first time since entering the complex, Agent Wayne spoke up with that feather light voice she has, "Excuse me, but just to confirm ... you say Cap as in Captain America?"

"Yup, that's the one."

"So," Howell tagged himself in this time, "why must we be hyper-aware of not doing this?"

"Yeah," Agent Ramos added, "it's not like that's something we'll even think to do."

"Oh it's simple," The Falcon begins, "if my dear, dear friend Steve gets upset then that ex-Soviet ass, Barnes gets angry and feels oh so compelled to avenge Steve's feelings and fuck y'all up; (you don't want that) then after that, we'll have to clean up whatever mess was made ... as in physically clean it up since Barnes is a mad creative guy when he puts his mind to something."

"Agent Coulson will then have to write up a report on said incident which will for sure give him a migraine; which then means that Coulson can't focus on other things like pampering Agent Barton. The man's a master at multitasking but not with a migraine. That'll then make Barton a not so happy Hawkeye and he'll whine to his best bro Agent Romanoff for a while then probably go find a spot up in the vents somewhere to cool off a bit, but he has a habit o of turning off his hearing aids so it becomes annoyingly difficult sometimes to find him."

"It'll amazed you how quick the Black Widow's mood can drop if any of her boys are upset (and yes that includes Steve). And will if she isn't having a good day then Doctor Banner ain't having a good day neither. The man is faithful and in love so the possibility of him getting ticked off and hulking out over other people's feelings is now a thing. Sounds crazy but it's possible. And if that happens ... We die."

...

These are the people protecting planet earth.

"And no one is ready for that."

Well shit, Sharon was right.

Falcon also went on to explain that even though the Avengers Initiative comes like the sidecar of the motorcycle that is S.H.I.E.L.D. and reside at their own place, they do mix with S.H.I.E.L.D. quite frequently, some of them do lead training sessions from time to time and assist on missions so the opportunity to piss off Captain America isn't impossible. No pressure though.

"And Howell," oh shit the man remembered his name, "I saw that look on your face in the beginning, I volunteered to welcome you guys in because I'm a fan of living." Smart call.

He finally concludes, "Any questions or comments?"

The six remain silent, all the while you can see clear regret on the faces of Thompson and Grey. They abandoned a perfectly boring desk job and jumped straight into a shit show. But there are perks.

They pay is pretty.

The cheque is gorgeous.

The figures are nice.

"I think it's kind of sweet in its own weird super super-soldiery way." In the he time Howell spent with Watson over at their former job, he was always a hopeless romantic so it wasn't much of a surprise that he voiced an opinion like that.

Sam snorts, "its sweet once you keep the captain purring like the kitten Barnes swears up and down he is. But don't overdo it though," jeez there's more, "Bucky might perceive you as a threat then Steve will get upset if his Bucky's ticked off and we all know how that goes."

The pay is pretty.

The cheque is gorgeous.

The figures are nice.

"You are the people who protect our planet!" poor Grey, at least the Winter Soldier might not see her as much of a threat since she lacks a dick as far as Howell is aware.

Or maybe Barnes doesn't care.

"Yeah, I know right," Wilson sighs, "But what can I say, beggars can't be choosers and all."

The pay is pretty.

The cheque is gorgeous.

The figures are nice.

"Anyways, welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D."

* * *

 **This is my first and probably last time writing a fic on the MCU since I seek no joy in tarnishing Marvel, especially Stucky with my shit.**

 **I hope it was nice**


End file.
